As white snowflakes fall quietly and thickly on a winter day, answers to prayer will settle down upon you at every step you take, even to your dying day. The story of your life will be the story of prayer and answers to prayer.December 28 Moments for Moms (An Inspirational Dayspring Daybrightener)
2020. When you hear that number, you’ll always think of Covid, Corona Virus, toilet paper, virtual learning, Zoom, social distancing, 6 feet, masks, no masks, shut downs…that list goes on and on. But when I hear 2020, I’ll think of those things, but I’ll think about Walt and his beginning more than anything else.
Walt was born on December 28, 2019 and was transported immediately to Piedmont NICU, where he fought hard for 13 days. He came home on January 10, 2020. I was on maternity leave, then as soon as I was to return to my classroom, Covid shut it all down. I was given more time at home with him. Covid ruined a lot, but gave me more time with Walt, a blessing. This is the year our lives were changed.
When you have a baby, your life is changed drastically. For the better. Sleepless nights, adjustments, tears of joy, tears with stress, learning, growing. Walt has changed us for the better, through it all.
2020 brought along a lot of mourning. Mourning the loss of loved ones, jobs, relationships, so many things. If I’m being honest, I’ve done a lot of mourning this year too. I’m mourning the loss of the life I envisioned for our family. I saw our two boys, 17 months apart, growing up a certain way. Running, playing, talking with each other. I know this doesn’t mean those things will never happen, they just may be different.
I’m mourning the loss of those moments I dreamed about. Whit coming to visit his new baby brother in the hospital, all 4 of us sitting in the bed, taking adorable pictures. I never thought Whit would be coming to visit his brother in the NICU, not even being able to go back and see him. Waiting until he came home. He didn’t understand it, or know what was going on, but I did.
The world in 2020 was put into a snow globe and furiously shaken up. Things were broken, thrown around, turned upside down, discombobulated. Our life, was put into a snow globe inside of that snow globe and shaken. Things slowly floated back down, but not back into its same place. We still have each other, but things aren’t the same. Some things still haven’t come back down yet, and they may never. We are adjusting. I have sleepless nights, thinking about what I could do better, for Walt, what I can do to help him. There are tears of joy, when he hits a milestone we’ve been working on tirelessly day after day. There are tears with stress, am I doing enough? We are learning, I know everything about Walt’s case and what comes along with it. I can recall medical terms, therapy exercises and routines I never thought I’d have to know. We are also learning as we go, new diagnosis and therapies added to the list. This is uncharted territories for us, we don’t know anyone around us who’s been here before. But we have adjusted and grown, as a family, as individuals; in our personal and spiritual lives.
Along with the rest of the world, 2020 has taught me a lot about myself. I could go on and on about those things, but I want to talk about what Walt’s given me this past year.
This baby, my baby, just has given me more this year than I could have ever imagined. He gave me the title of mom of two, two boys, 2 under the age of 2!
He gave me the scariest day of my life then turned around and it became the biggest blessing of my life.
He’s given me a faith that I’ve never had before. A level of trust in the Lord that I’ve never reached before. I’m a Christian and I’m saved, but my faith is so much stronger after this year. Trials will test your faith, a test is part of your testimony, and Walts the biggest addition.
He’s given me a prayer life like no other! I’ve prayed more in his first year of life than my 30 years combined. I’ve prayed more for Walt and my family, more for others around me, more prayer in general than ever before. This has brought more joy and blessings with it.
He’s helped me see the joy in everything. In the smallest details of life. He’s opened my eyes to how things could be worse and to be grateful for what we have here and now.
He’s brought with him the biggest feeling of peace in it all, all while scaring me at the same time. My heart hurts for him, but then I see him smile and hear his coos and I feel joy. He is honestly the happiest and most chill baby ever! He is genuinely happy all the time. If he knows he’s loved, then I know we’ve succeeded. He is the absolute best smuggler. If you need a snuggle fix, Walt is your guy.
He’s given me more smiles than I could have dreamed.
He’s given me hope that tomorrow is a better day.
He’s given me the strength to be a better person and mom.
He’s shown me that I need to be present in today, to soak up today; tomorrow isn’t promised.
1 year with Walt. In 2020, who would have thought that I would have gained so much. In the crappiest year ever, it’s brought us one of our biggest blessings.
Would I change any of it? No, because that would mean changing Walt. And I love this kid exactly the way he is. Who am I to question Gods journey and plan for us? He’s chosen Walt for us, this path, just the way he is.
It hasn’t been easy, and it’ll continue to be challenging, but oh so rewarding!
He’s brought out family closer and stronger.
This is at the beginning of our driveway, looking out at our field, our house just straight ahead through the trees. I sat here the other day, imaging our boys walking through it, boots on, dogs running around them, maybe toting their guns to go hunting, talking. You know all you moms picture moments like that with your children, thinking about what they will be doing later in life.
My heart broke. At the thought that the moment may not happen, or at the adjustments we’ll need to make to make that moment happen. I’ll move heaven and earth for that moment to happen. But my earthly heart still mourned the “loss of that moment”.
So I sat there and prayed. Walt was asleep in his carseat behind me, peacefully passed out. Then when I asked the Holy Spirit to heal Walt, he cooed! Perfect, God sent timing.
“God my heart is broken. I’m hurting. I saw my life a certain way, and it was taken from me. I don’t see your plan, I can’t see what you see is ahead of us and I’m struggling with that. I’m having a hard time. I want the world for my boys. I want them to feel loved, know you God, love you like I love You. Holy Spirit, heal Walt. Restore his vision, the connection between his eyes and his brain. Restore his hearing, take away his torticollis, CVI, feeding and swallowing issues, he hasn’t had any seizures and I’m grateful for that and I pray he can come off his medicine, take away every piece of damaged brain matter and replace it with new healed tissue or reroute his pathways and allow him to form new pathways in his brain, allow him to catch up developmentally, perform a miracle inside of Walt that can only be done by You. Thank you for giving Walt to us. Thank you for allowing us to be his parents. Help guide us, walk beside us, give us discernment with the decisions we need to make for Walt. We love you and we thank you.”
I received a Christmas card today with an uplifting letter on the back from a friend of mine. She wrote it to everyone who got a card, but it spoke straight to my heart, like it was written just for me. She said “Whatever your story is, there are treasures in your heart that can give you hope, encouragement, peace, strength and comfort.” She talked about the three places in Luke where we find that Mary treasured things in her heart. Luke 1:45, Luke 2:19 and Luke 2:51. She went on to say, “God didn’t fulfill the promises to Mary right away, but she gained strength and comfort from what she had treasured in her heart through her hard days.” Sometimes we have to wait, and we can hold on to the treasures in our hearts to help get us through. Walt is a treasure. My faith, my husband, my boys, my family. We are surrounded by a village. We have been covered in so much love and prayers. We treasure that feeling and each and every on of you!
2020 was tough. To be honest, turning the page from December 2020 to January 2021 isn’t going to miraculously change things. We still have a long road ahead, but I wouldn’t want to travel this journey with any other village. I wouldn’t want to do it any other way. We were chosen for a reason. Walt was chosen for a reason. We feel honored and blessed to be Whit and Walt’s parents. We are going to remain stead fast in our faith, continue to pray and work hard.
I hope this finds you well, and you found some joy from this post. I hope 2021 brings new and wonderful things for you! Thanks for sticking it out this long with me and Happy New Year!
Remember, you are loved and you have a purpose. Find your treasures, polish them off, keep them in your heart and make 2021 great.